It has become apparent there is an alarming rise in misogyny in online spaces… Not sure if it’s even worth saying that it’s wrong. Because it so obviously is. Things have always been this way, this is no new phenomenon. In fact, it is all part of a long standing “tradition” teaching women that there is a “defined role” for them in society. This is all part of the wars that we fight on a daily basis. But I do want to take a moment and kind of work through my perspective as decidedly cisgendered man who really hasn’t had any idea to change that.

So, a lot of these ideas come from the minds of men who have been taught since a young age that the world is locked into a certain way and nothing can change it. Creating a lifetime of jamming square pegs into round holes. Everything starts at home, it seems. The amount of middle-upper class men who have an idea that a mother needs to be a homemaker while the father makes the money is overwhelming. Success as a man, to them, is defined as you providing for your family in a monetary way. Their value is inherently tied to that. But the problem is either: A. they don’t talk to their mother? Or sister? Or whatever? They never truly realize that women are their own people?? B. their family sets the expectation from the top. Pounding into their head that they need to behave a certain way… or else…

If it’s A, that’s bullshit. It’s always been so illuminating when I actually talk to my mother and aunts. You see another side of life you never expected to see. And it helps create this idea that there is an equality and understanding that can be reached through mutual understanding. If it’s B, then that fucking sucks. And I can understand why it is hard to unlearn that. It’s the same reason it’s hard for us in America to learn a second language passed the age of like 14. The more your brain is developed, the harder it is to change your thinking. With the B reasoning, I feel a bit of sympathy, BUT please at least try! Seriously. While you may not understand it all, it’s at least worthwhile to put in effort to get better. Isn’t that why y’all go to the gym?

I do think I want to understand the dichotomy between the logic-brained dudes on the internet and the more emotional people. It seems that these fights come down to this logic vs emotion thing. Which is why, I think, that men tend to fall into this trap of misogyny. You see, when everything you see is fed to you that depicts the world a certain way, if you are more logically sound, you are going to follow that logic. And for that reason, you can logic your way into misogyny and racism. Even if it isn’t expressively logical. Like when a math teacher teaches you how to solve a problem one-way. When someone tells you there’s another way, you’ll think “of course not! I was taught this way! That’s the only way exists!” You cannot conceptualize that other way. But undoing that logic is how you continuously grow. It’s how you become a better person.

I think a large part that does end up going unexamined in the wider conversation is that no matter how logical you are, emotion will cloud your judgement. In the previous example, I thought of this idea that if someone presents you a new way of solving a math problem, you’ll find it hard to understand. But then your emotion rears its head in. It tells you automatically that the other way of solving the problem isn’t right. When it clearly is, it got you the answer! So how can it be wrong? This creates the psychological concept of cognitive dissonance (here’s an article on this concept: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/cognitive-dissonance). Something that runs rampant online.

It’s hard for us to undo what we were taught. So is it a lost cause to try and fight for people to try and understand and move on to the next generation? I would say maybe, if it weren’t the fact that those people in that cognitive dissonance are actively fighting against educating the new generation. Thus, it becomes imperative that we fight for what’s right. And fight so we can ensure our children’s children will be educated and be equal.

I still have so many thoughts on this topic (I didn’t even touch people like Andrew Tate). But I think that I’ll call it there. Just continue working toward being anti-misogynistic. It’s important.