I have decided on writing again. Something that is long overdue in my opinion. I have regretted going away from writing, trying to become someone I am not, “improving myself”. But it hasn’t worked.

2023 was one of the years of all time. I came into it thinking I would blossom into a new man. Someone to be proud of. I am more proud of myself going into 2024 in the sense that I have become a lot more open to pain. Something that I felt like I had been ignoring in the past years of my life. I just… I thought that it being the year of the rabbit (my year), things would have been different. I got knocked off my pedestal. Humbled as the kids would say. I want to say that it was someone else’s fault. That’d be the easy way out. But it wasn’t. I didn’t do the things I wanted to. I also neglected the opportunities that were presented to me. It was just a struggle year for me.

I caught feelings >:((( and didn’t resolve it. Just add it to the pile of regrets of my life. I didn’t make the friends I wanted to. I also am further away from satisfying my dream of leaving Arizona.

I did do good things though. I travelled, and found a passion in it. I have become a lot better at my job. I am also more confident in leaving my current employment with proper experience. I got closer to the friends that I have. I am truly appreciative for them. I also finally got out of the vice grip that is social media. I still check things from time-to-time and procrastinate quite a bit, but at least it isn’t on Instagram reels lol.

Going into 2024. I have accepted that things may not change. It is okay. Perhaps 2023 was a year of shifts and change. It’s just upsetting. Outside of 2022, every year since 2016 has been a whirlwind. Something changes, something goes awry, and something ends. My happiness has been lower than ever realizing that just ahead of me, there are no milestones that are preprogrammed for me. I have to make my milestones. I have to create my destiny. That’s so fucking scary, dude.

But who knows. I hope things will change, but expect them to not. It’s how I’m built, I guess.