I am depressed. I probably should have led with that. I am so depressed that most days, I see no point in getting out of bed. I also work a full-time job. So… not getting out of bed, being a full-time job haver, and with a good family, you would think good things, right? Wrong. I am still depressed.

Depression isn’t just feeling sad all of the time (although some days it’s how I feel), it’s the absence of light. The absence of positivity. It’s like looking into the cauldron of the good life you seek, and being unable to fathom it. Things are barely out of reach. In view, mocking you.

I have friends. But they all went sour on me. Probably because I am such a negative influence, people can feel it. Like when the debbie downer shows up at the party. You just feel the vibes of the night die. That’s me, baby. I am the one who brings down the vibes. I don’t talk to people. I wish I could. They try to talk to me, but I either ignore it, or kill the conversation through my blunders. I am not dating. I am single. I wish I wasn’t. But no person in their right mind will be willing to date me. At least, they shouldn’t. I have a variety of health issues, I’m overweight, and no person is willing to be with me for fear that I will just kill their lives in simple swoop.

Why should I have led with my depression? After all, people say “put your best foot forward” or “make a good first impression”. Because I haven’t been honest about it. Honesty is the best policy. And I haven’t been honest. So for one last time, let me say it here:

I am depressed.