I’ve done it! I’ve done it again! I watched a dangerously emotional movie late at night on a Saturday! Things are going wild!!

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind is my favorite movie of all time. This is something I have professed on multiple platforms, in conversations with people I barely know, and in my most intimate of moments in life (when I am alone with my thoughts). I want to kind of just barf my thoughts here before I lose them after rewatching it (and to think I was gonna get any writing done during my rewatch, ha!) SPOILERS FOR ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND BELOW… BE MINDFUL.

There is a lot to be said about the filmmaking. Gondry is an unsteady genius. Almost every story coming out of the production is a goldmine in what not to do as a feature filmmaker when making a film. There are so many scenes that exist on screen for a few frames at most (specifically toward the end of Joel’s existing memories of Clementine). Frames that feel accurate to the subconscious mind. Things like intimate moments in dates, little times sitting on the couch together, or a game night with Rob and Carrie. They show up for such a small moment of time in the film that it’s almost absurd to think they even needed them. Most people don’t notice them. Yet… when I did, it colored even more of the picture that is the relationship between Clem and Joel. Though after hearing tales from what happened on set, it makes you question Gondry completely. There were scenes where Gondry wanted next to no light in it. The Director of Photography, lighting techs, everyone with knowledge of cameras, told Gondry no. Because you would see nothing, cameras are not capable of picking up things without lights. Yet, Gondry persisted. Due to a tight timeline of production, the lighting techs resorted to hiding lights in key spots to illuminate the frame. Once Gondry finished the scene and watched back the tape he proclaimed “see, we didn’t need lights!”… Gondy has never had a movie reach the acclaim this movie got and I can kinda see why…

After Memento came out, Charlie Kaufman wanted to shelve this script. In his mind, he thought it’d be too similar. But producer Steve Golin convinced him to continue. I understand Kaufman’s trepidations. The somewhat loose structure leads to a movie that (to an audience) reads as a romance at first, a sci-fi second, a thriller in the middle, and just a gut punch toward the end. I think an audience would have never realized that what they really are watching is a mystery, or at the very least, an autopsy. On this rewatch, I really began to realize that this is an examination of a fledgling relationship. At the story level, you are truly trying to figure out how it all fell apart. How they separated. Yes, you do get answers in the first half (the resentment, the fighting, and the final sentiment from Joel before Clem left), but you almost don’t understand why. This aspect of the film, the real understanding of why the relationship fell apart, is why I think the ending hits as hard as it does. Let’s put a pin in that for now.

Adding to the conspiracy board that is my review of this movie that I have seen well over 12 times by now, we move to the very inspiration for the title. Taken from a verse poem from Pope Alexander (oh shit… Alexander Pope) comes Eloisa to Abelard. This (long) verse poem published in the 18th century is actually a re-telling of the story of Héloïse d’Argenteuil’s love of Peter Abelard. The title is actually said in the film by Mary Svevo to Howard Mierzwiak (during a beautiful sequence at a circus parade in Joel’s memory). It coming from Mary is particularly pertinent to the poem the title comes from. You see, Héloïse’s love to Abelard was supposed to be secret. He was 20 years older than her, her teacher, and a theologian. He was supposed to keep faithful to his teachings and devoted to his church. But Abelard and Héloïse’s love was much too strong. It eventually led to Héloïse’s family castrating Abelard and their separation. Years later, at Abelard’s insistence, Héloïse became a nun. But after reading some new work from Abelard, Héloïse’s love re-awakened and they began to share correspondence again. After their correspondence, this is where Pope writes from the perspective of Héloïse. He (writing as her) presents a dialogue to Abelard. She recounts the love they shared and, in the middle, discusses her wish to forget the love and devote herself to god. Then comes in the quote…

“How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!

The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!

Each pray’r accepted, and each wish resign’d;”

If you’ve seen the film, you would know that it is revealed that Howard and Mary previously shared an affair. It became bad enough to the point that it was “agreed” (judging by the tape, it sounded forced…) that Mary would undergo the procedure to erase the memory of her and Howard’s extramarital affair. Yet… the feelings remain. Mary is highly attracted to Howard, for reasons she really cannot articulate nor really understand.

In what is essentially the b-plot of the film, Kaufman draws on the work of Alexander Pope, recounting the story of Héloïse and Peter, and adapts the story to his film. While having the character call out a quote her literal plot is inspired by… honestly you can bury me now cause writing ain’t getting better than that.

There’s something to be said about the characters. The highest liked “negative” review on Letterboxd (it was a 2 star review) mentioned they did not like the characters and found them too unlikable. That was an aspect I saw a lot more on this watch. They are 100% entitled to their opinion, but I almost want to write a defense on this aspect. Because yes, the characters are unlikable. Joel is misanthropic at times, aloof most others. Clementine is a messy bitch who acts without thinking. Mierzwiak is a cheating bastard who plays with his business way too carelessly. Patrick is a weirdo “incel” who is highly unethical. Stan plays way too fast and loose with his job, bordering on unethical. Mary (before she knew) is a loose homewrecker who barely cares for her current boyfriend (Stan). Even Joel’s friend couple Carrie and Rob are callous and clearly incompatible (they fight in literally every scene). In a cynical sense, it’s easy for me to chalk up everyone’s flaws here. But… it’s fucking real man. These are people who exist and live in the world. Their flaws give them a real sense of life. So when we see Joel and Clem’s relationship highlights, it hits that much harder to lose them. Do I think Kaufman’s more misanthropic tendencies pop up here? Yes. However, Eternal Sunshine remains one of his most human films. Because I think he understands that our memories are at the core of our beings. Cause at the end of the day, what are we without our memories? Our history?

One of the more interesting aspects explored in the film is that feelings still exist without the memory being attached to them. This is such an intriguing concept to really rattle in your brain for a bit. Some of my favorite videos on the internet are of partners who film their other partner who just came out of some drug-induced surgery and without fail, hit on their partner like they’ve never met before. Before, of course, the partner filming reveals that they are partners. To which the partner in the hospital bed becomes ecstatic. Yes, as they slowly regain consciousness, they remember everything. But the feeling remains without the brain automatically pinging that this is someone you know. There’s a beauty in that. In a scientific sense, it’s probably got something to do with the different parts of the brain not being able to communicate with each other seamlessly or something (I don’t think the research exists, so this is probably wrong). But I think it speaks to this nebulous idea of attraction and love. We love the people we love. Do we really, truly know why? Someone emotionally honest and articulate could come up with really intimate details of their thought process. Someone scientific and logical could say something about neurotransmitters and pheromone-compatibility. Someone spiritual and religious could say something about the soul and destiny. But at the end of the day… we will never be able to truly explain the why of it all. And there’s something I just really love about that. Honestly, it’s probably something to do with the shared collection of human thought. Something about it comforts me.

I want to get into the kind of implications of the world that Kaufman built. I love this casual sci-fi world that exists in the movie. They call it soft sci-fi because it focuses on emotion and soft sciences. But really, I enjoy the aspect of the world being almost exactly the same, except for one little thing. I like how Lacuna is treated like a small family practice, that people don’t even really know exists. Yet, there’s years of existence implied here. All of the files, the messiness of the office, and a lot of Mary’s off-hand lines (“Valentines’ Day is our busiest time”). This should be a worldwide phenomena, yet there’s just a little practice in Long Island that does this. It’s just a great aspect of the film that people seem to forget. I also love how Frank (Joel’s neighbor) receives a Lacuna letter in the film. Little details like that is what I am yearning for in science fiction.

I put a pin in it, but it’s finally time to talk about the ending. The ending has become somewhat of a debate in the online circles I observe. The obvious intention from the filmmakers is to create a purposeful ambiguity. Do they live this life over and over? Do they actually make it? I cannot say anything definitive or authoritative as I am not the writer/filmmaker. But using my little bit in here on how this movie is an autopsy, I think we can really make some interesting observations. Let’s say, that Lacuna isn’t the only place that erases people’s memories. After all, I did say that this should be a worldwide phenomena. Perhaps, Joel and Clem enjoy their time together for a little while. But they start to feel that resentment again, and this time, even with the knowledge that they erased each other, they go to some other place that performs the same deed. Will they do that? Knowing that they’ve done it before? I can’t say.

The proverbial debate. Is the glass half-full or half-empty? I am inclined to believe that they will eventually realize their flaws in their relationship and make a clean break. Joel finds himself in a rut, and Clem figures out what to do next. Would that be good for them? I don’t know. They share such a beautiful life together… but I don’t know. If Joel can’t get past his own issues with intimacy, and Clem can’t get past her need to change all of the time, then I highly doubt. They could make a good life for themselves, if they can address their brokenness.

Things have changed significantly since I was a 15 year old watching this movie for the first time on Netflix, alone. I’ve grown to be happier, had real intimate moments with people I care deeply for, and lived through heartbreak. Yet, some things remain the same almost 10 years later. Still a virgin, still yet to have a serious long-term relationship, and still mindlessly scroll the internet. I want to say that I learned a lot about myself during this re-watch. In truth, I didn’t. I just watched a movie I love, and wrote a lot about it. Shit happens man…