R.I.P the year of the dragon. You were okay to me, I guess. So, yes late to the reflection party yet again. But I have decided I am okay with this. It is part of my character and who I am. 2024 has passed me by yet again. It was a year of tumult. I was way in my head for like half the year, then decided to not be, and now I am here. I went international twice! And had some great nights out and about. On the opposite end of the spectrum, I lost a lot steam with my job. I finally feel like I’m ready to move on in life and leave everything I’ve ever loved behind. It’s a bittersweet feeling. I want to leave to live somewhere else, somewhere new. But life keeps popping its head in, in very ugly ways. There’s a lot to do in order for me to successfully move on. Lots of dominos to knock over. First and foremost, it has to do with matters of my career and job. What can I do to successfully leave and thrive in my new position? I am updating my resume and doing the job hunting thing. It’s going to be different as I will have something to fall back on. But that will change the dynamic. I don’t need to settle on something. Though, I do need something else. Either in a new place, in a new position, or in a new space. I need something new. It’ll be good for my sanity.

I think back to my goals for the year. I failed a few, but got some done. Some that I never really thought I could get. My weight has consistently been an issue for me, and finally, my health is actively starting to decline. I got sick a lot more this year than in year’s past. And I know that is an issue with how heavy I am. I am still not at my heaviest, and I will give my credit that I didn’t really let myself go. Even with a lack of exercise and not really caring what I put into my body, I didn’t really gain weight. I’ll say a lot of it is due to my constant vigilance on my body. I know what hurts, and what doesn’t. And I’ve been avoiding what hurts. So, an overall rating of B- for my weight. Though I did end up consuming a ton of content this year. I listened to 50 albums released in 2024 (70 overall first-time listens) and 50 first-time movie watches. It’s nice to really get a chance to participate in my hobby, to assuage the burnout, I suppose. I also took myself out a lot again. To concerts, to movies, to dinner. I enjoy my own company a lot, and this year proved to me that I can really go about it alone. I reconnected with some of my past pals and it has been fucking refreshing. I held on to myself for the longest, and it’s nice to see people I had pasts with also grow. We are living a nice life, and I want to continue to see it.

One last thing I do want to touch upon before I depart is my overall being. I’ve been going to therapy every 2-3 weeks for a year now. It has been my solace. I finally admitted to myself how much I genuinely needed it. My therapy has led to me to places that a year ago, I never imagined. Old habits die hard, I am living proof of that. I am pretty much the same kid I was when I turned 18. But through my time in therapy, I’ve learned to truly and honestly be okay with it. I don’t love myself. I think there’s too much of a deep rooted issue in my soul to feel that any time soon. I no longer hate myself (despite what you hear when I’m frustrated). I just feel neutral to myself. This may sound like a defeat, or at the very least, some sort of consolation prize (like those participation trophies people get upset about). In many ways, it is settling. However, when moving to a new place, you always want to feel settled, content, at home. I finally (after so many fucking years) feel at home in my body. The battles I’ve fought just to get here. It’s unfathomable to tell to my little 16 year old self. When he was failing algebra, when he was at his heaviest, when he just wanted to do something besides sit on Reddit all day. If you told him he still goes on Reddit, but feels fine with it. With friends he can depend on, with a job, and with the hope that things will only get better from here. It may not be Yorktown, but it might be my Saratoga. The turning point. I don’t feel like my war is over, not by a long shot. But I am here, marching into the next battle.