Been on a kick lately… so at the suggestion of my new family therapist, I am going to write about what I want my life to look like in Chicago (or well… anywhere else but here). I haven’t sat with my thoughts on it, I’ve been so focused on how to get there and not really worried about the why of it. I was just looking at a meme and I think I feel it in a weird way. It was a screencap of a TikTok saying “Just realized that in order to achieve my dreams instead of maladaptive daydreaming I have to face my fears lol”, I relate but in like an opposite way. I am so hyperfixated on my trepidations and concerns of how it will work, I forget to think about a good day in Chicago. I let my fears face me, instead of thinking of the person I will be on the other side of those fears… so here goes… I guess…

I want to live in a walkable city, like truly walkable. I LOVE MASS PUBLIC TRANSIT BABY. Trains, biking, traversable streets, this is the kind of shit I yearn for. I think I’m so car-brained and I want to get away from that for once. I think it will not only help me mentally, but physically. I’ve heard people lose weight after moving to New York City, and I’d just love that to happen to me.

I somehow also believe that even though the cold is something I’ve never truly dealt with day-to-day, I feel like I want to know what it’s like. Arizona is so hot, and I want to experience actual seasons. My favorite time in Arizona is winter, when I can wear things with layers and find new ways to express myself with fashion. Plus, seeing snow pile up outside my window,,, what a sight that would be.

There is always something cool happening in Phoenix nowadays, the unfortunate part is I am at least 30 minutes away by car. Which requires a lot of planning and prep. I want to be able to walk out of my door step and just see things happening. A mural being painted, a museum 10 minutes from my location, a girl busking in the station, a life I am not aware of being experienced in front of me. You can find pockets in Arizona, but not as much as you can in a place like Chicago. There are just more people, more things, more life. It’s hard to compare.

Now, for a lot of this, it seems like I am just gushing about New York City or Los Angeles (well… maybe less on the walkability aspect). But what I think separates a place like Chicago for me is the friendliness. Chicago is in the midwest, which stereotypically is a friendly culture. They aren’t going to immediately accept me, but I’ve heard many a tale of the “Seattle freeze” or the “New Yorkers are mean”, so I have to take it seriously. Chicago is a big city with lots of people, I will find a tribe of people, that’s a given. But the thing is, finding that tribe will be much easier in a working class, friendlier city like Chicago. There’s just something that seems unpretentious about Chicago (which I know blog title). I guess I really just enjoy the sense of pragmatism and optimism I feel from the city. That’s something that can separate Chicago in my head. That’s my hope at least. At the very least, I can at least talk about the weather in Chicago versus Arizona, so that’ll be something.

I value access and freedom. I want to access the world. In Arizona, I just feel so closed off at times. Like this is all I’ll ever be when I’m around home. Even when I’m with friends, my world seems so limited. I just don’t like that aspect about living here. I’ve said many a time to my parents, friends, and others that I leave the door open to return to Arizona. It is my home after all… but something pulls me to a higher purpose. To see a new part of the Earth and truly taking it in. It’s why I love traveling, why I love novelty, why I love trying new things. I get scared and anxious, who doesn’t? But I just feel a gumption to try. This is my goal, this is my purpose. My why isn’t to run away from any thing negative here. I don’t want to abandon my home. But I’ve been too comfortable for far too long, and there needs to be some change. I need to will it. I need to act on it. So here we go. My life in Chicago on the other side of the fears, the anxiety. Maybe not new, maybe not even happy, but excited that I finally did something about my life here. That’s all I ask for.