THIS IS PART OF A LARGER PIECE I HAVE SITTING IN MY BACK POCKET CALLED: MY LEAST FAVORITE EX
At rise: a balcony outside of the party. Strewn about the space are bottles, cans, and loose cigarettes. It is absolutely filthy. Reminiscent of the frat parties in the past. Bryce, 33, walks on to the balcony from a side door. He has his phone in his hand, texting. He stands at the corner of the balcony for a little while, still texting.
He stops. Thinks for a little. A light bulb turns on in his head.
He continues texting.
From the same door, soon after walks in Cassie, 34. She spots Bryce texting and is delighted. She taps him on the shoulder.
CASSIE: Hey there, stranger.
BRYCE: (half-mindedly) Hold on let me… (her turns to her) OH SHIT.
He drops his phone on the ground. She laughs.
CASSIE: Scared ya, huh?
BRYCE: A little.
She goes to grab the phone.
BRYCE: I got it. Don’t worry.
She lets him grab it.
CASSIE: So, how’ve you been?
BRYCE: Good. Good. You know, just here, I guess. What about you?
CASSIE: Fine like always.
BRYCE: That’s good… how’s um…
CASSIE: Ricky? Oh he’s good. He’s with the baby right now actually.
BRYCE: That’s good. That’s great.
The two sit there for a bit. Walking on egg shells. Navigating the awkwardness.
CASSIE: You still smoke?
BRYCE: Not for a year, no.
CASSIE: Oh okay. Is it fine if I…?
BRYCE: Go ahead. Don’t let me stop you.
Cassie takes out a pack of cigarettes from her clutch, pulling out one of the many left in the pack. She starts to dig around her clutch. No lighter.
CASSIE: Shit. Do you have a light on you?
BRYCE: I do, actually. (Bryce reaches into his back pocket and takes a tiny lighter out and hands it to her). Here.
CASSIE: Thanks.
She lights her cigarette and takes one long drag. Bryce stares at her as she does this. Looking her up and down.
BRYCE: No problem…
Cassie blows the smoke the opposite way. Bryce gets lost in her.
CASSIE: What made you quit?
BRYCE: (out of his trance) Hm? Oh, my fiancée. She hates smoking.
CASSIE: Fiancée? Really?
BRYCE: Yeah (clears throat), uh, her name is Marianne. And uh, yeah, she’s great. We, uh, are getting married in about a week.
CASSIE: Wait, you’re joking, right?
BRYCE: No…
CASSIE: Wow, look at you. What is she like?
BRYCE: She’s, well, she’s great. Um, very smart, beautiful, one of the best women I’ve ever met.
CASSIE: As she should be. You deserve it. How old is she?
BRYCE: 29.
CASSIE: Oh. Okay. I see.
BRYCE: Yeah, she’s uh, she’s a special girl. I love her.
CASSIE: Sorry I’m asking so many questions. It’s just… well I didn’t expect you to get married.
BRYCE: Yeah, it’s weird. I’m not going to lie. Very weird.
CASSIE: What’s the catch here? Does she need a green card? What’s up?
BRYCE: What? What are you talking about?
CASSIE: I just don’t believe you. I mean, how… I thought you’d never get married. That’s what you told me.
BRYCE: That was 10 years ago, Cass. I just grew up, I changed.
CASSIE: I’m sorry, again. I don’t what’s wrong with me.
She contemplates as she takes another drag. Bryce looks away.
CASSIE: I mean it, I am very sorry. I didn’t mean to be so accusatory.
BRYCE: No, it’s fine. I just… you’re right to question me.
CASSIE: No, I’m not. That was just me being bitchy and weird. I didn’t mean to open up anything. I’m sure she’s so great and kind and wonderful.
BRYCE: Look… can I be real with you?
CASSIE: I guess. We’re friends, right?
BRYCE: Can I have a cigarette?
CASSIE: Yeah.
Cassie reaches back into her bag for a cigarette and Bryce grabs it from her. He lights it and takes a quick drag.
BRYCE: Things are weird. Things are very very weird.
CASSIE: What’s that supposed to mean?
BRYCE: I have been running into all of my exes this past week. Every single one. In chronological order! I mean, when does that happen?? Is this some cosmic nightmare?
CASSIE: Really?
BRYCE: Yeah! I go to the grocery store, see Clarissa, my first girlfriend with her 6 children and husband. Then on the R, I see Amanda, that theatre chick I dated in high school, and she’s still insane. Right after that, I see Annika, my other crazy high school girlfriend, at a job interview. Just to find out that she’s crazy and has been harboring a grudge for literal years to spite me for how I broke up with her! While at dinner two days after that, I see Shreya, the girl I dated before you. And now I see you. On a balcony, smoking. Why are you even here?
CASSIE: I’m just here for Cedric’s birthday. You don’t have to accuse me of anything.
BRYCE: I’m not accusing you of anything. I’m just wondering why. Why are you the fifth ex girlfriend I have seen in the last seven days? Is the universe trying to tell me something?
CASSIE: I don’t know. You know I’m not one for cosmic speculation.
BRYCE: I know. I know… Sorry for unloading unto you. I just… I needed reprieve.
CASSIE: It’s okay, Bryce. That sounds crazy.
BRYCE: It is… It very much is…
He takes another drag, this time longer and more controlled.
BRYCE: I forgot how good this felt. Smoking. It’s like I can finally breathe, you know?
CASSIE: I’m actually trying to quit myself. I’m sorry I dragged you back into it.
BRYCE: No, don’t apologize. It’s just… it’s very nice to see you again.
CASSIE: It’s very nice to see you again.
(not going to lie this one is very long and so I’m going to leave it here for now. But I do want to finish this slice.)
Pretense & Circumstance 